STORYTELLING. SISTERHOOD. CONNECTION

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Welcome to my online home Darling Mama!

I bow my head to you. You are courageous!  You are worthy of whatever it is your heart desires. You are worthy of living a passionate and beautiful life and I am so grateful to have you here.

I am a Mother who has suffered tremendous heartbreak and loss. Just like you Darling Mama, I am WARRIOR!

On March 13th 2016, my beautiful baby twins, Leo and Layla, were taken from this earth at 14 weeks gestation.

I have suffered incredible sadness and have grieved and still continue to grieve after the death of my babies. Grief knows no timeline! I have travelled deep in to the depths of my soul, trudging through the thick merciless mud blinded by the darkness. I have begged and pleaded on my knees for the gods, the universe, the spirits to please bring and end to my suffering.

What I realised on my journey towards healing is that in order to find the light I needed to first surrender to the darkness. This was not an easy decision to make and I could of easily given up and let the darkness consume me, but in those moments when I was feeling at my lowest I somehow managed to find the strength to keep going, to keep getting back up and putting one foot in front of the other. I began listening to what it was my soul and spirit were asking from me. Rather than pushing my emotions down and resisting, I committed to surrendering and releasing all that was holding me back from moving forward. I held on to the belief and trust that if I gave up all control and just let the Universe guide me then I would make it out to the other side. The words 'this too shall pass' played over and over in my head. I noticed that because I was open to receiving, the Universe began sharing with me.

My experience during and after my loss was terribly painful and often dark at times and while I had the support of my beautiful partner, I often felt misunderstood, disconnected from family and friends and I often felt alone in my grieving.

For many months I felt as though I couldn't escape the darkness, no matter how hard I tried. I was searching for answers as to why I had lost my twins. I was immersed in guilt and shame and I blamed myself constantly. My heart was heavy and I felt stuck in my sadness and suffering. I would wake up feeling angry most morning's and cry myself to sleep most nights. I felt hopeless.

In July 2016, while still in my grieving period, I made a last minute decision to attend a retreat in Byron Bay with a girlfriend. Everything was still so raw and painful but somehow my heart and soul new exactly what I needed and so I made the short journey up the coast to attend. It was hands down one of the best things that I have ever done for myself. I practiced yoga and mediation daily, read, walked barefoot along the beach, watched the sunrise, nourished my body with wholefoods, shared openly within a circle of loving, supportive men and women and released what I felt was no longer serving me. I was a blubbering mess and I doubt many of the people who sat in circle that night understood anything I was saying but I felt immense satisfaction and pleasure after this release. I knew I was capable of experiencing and feeling so much more.

I was at my most vulnerable and yet I felt accepted and safe in the company of these strangers, these light workers and healers. While I admit that this was possibly my toughest test yet after my loss, I now understood that in order for me to begin to heal I must first travel through the darkness. Like the shedding of old skin, I was committed to shedding my existing negative beliefs and thoughts surrounding my loss and suffering. No longer would I be a victim of circumstance.

I arrived back home from my retreat craving connection with a tribe of heart centred, kind, supportive and nurturing Women. I wished to experience joy. I wished to live passionately and authentically and I knew that I wanted to share my story with anyone who was willing to listen. I wanted to practice compassion and empathy with myself and with others around me who were also suffering. I wanted to be of service to other Mother's who felt saddened, confused and unsupported after their loss, no matter where they were on their journey. I wished to create a community of Mother's who felt the call to break the silence and the stigma surrounding this taboo topic and I knew that this was my calling. I accepted it with every ounce of my being.

During my morning meditations at home, I would call on my sisterhood. I asked Mother Earth to please put me in contact with Women who I could unite with. Women who would empower me to use my voice to empower other Mother's just like me. I longed to connect with likeminded Women who also worked in the area of spirituality and healing. Well, ask and you shall receive! I am so blessed to be associated with the most wonderful tribe of Warrior Mother's and female healers. I am honoured to have studied with Beautiful You Coaching Academy and am proud to be a graduate of their Life Coaching Course.

Through my work with grieving Mother's I have re-discovered my passion for art and writing. Not only has my drawing and poetry given me the opportunity to connect with Mother's around the world and help them share their devastating stories ofloss through social media but it has given me peace of mind. I am most present when I am creating and I know I'm nurturing my soul by doing something that I love and adore.

Don't get me wrong, there are still days where I am triggered by a thought, the words of a song, an article on facebook or hurtful words from other's on the subject of miscarriage, but I know I have the tools to help me cope on these bad days. These a tried and tested practices that if implemented, will make the world of difference to a grieving Mother's life. I wish to share these practices with you Darling Mama so that you too may experience what your heart desires. You are deserving of so much more!

There is no easy way through! It takes time, commitment and patients. And on the days that things aren't going so well, I'll still be here, holding your hand, guiding you towards your light. We will be doing this together. I offer you Darling Mama, a scared and safe space for you to share openly.  To learn to love yourself completely. To release. To experience acceptance and forgiveness. To shine and to always be your authentic, beautiful self.

 

YOU ARE A WARRIOR DARLING MAMA!

Reach out to me if your heart desires.

Much love to you,

Carmen. xx